You never get the whole picture or the whole message from a "one-sitting" seminar or an individual conference session. This past June I participated in the joint NAASE, JTS, and USCJ Week of Study on “Spiritual Care and the Congregation”. What a week it was. Being a “newbie” (as my repeat attendees called me) or a first-timer, I was totally unprepared for what an experience this would be. Not that I got the whole message but I yearn for more and feel that I walked away with a foundation that I will be able to have as part of my life forever.

What would it mean to talk to God? How is it possible to encounter God on a daily basis? I know I struggle with these questions because I want the sense that a higher loving, caring being is looking out for us. I look for answers to why bad things happen. Yet by contrast with the stories we read in the Bible, I continually struggle with doubts. As an executive director, I always am concerned about my own doubts interfering with my being a spiritual care giver to my own congregants.

Most of us, including myself, face several barriers in feeling God's presence in our lives. First, I feel that my concerns are unworthy of direct response from God. My own petty concerns are beneath God's notice. How can God possibly care about my having a health problem? There are people dying in the world! Does God really care about helping me resolve some problem at work? There are wars and people suffering enormously! Second, I feel that I am unworthy of direct experience of God. Surely God has more important or more moral or more religious or more whatever people to spend His time on. Moses may have been perfect and therefore merit direct speech with God, but I am far from perfect.

These two concerns misunderstand what God is and reflect my own insecurities. Limited humans that we are and choosing a career as an executive director, time is my most precious commodity. Each of us has only so much productive time in a day and how we spend it reflects our priorities. Ha-Kodesh Barukh Hu, the Holy One, Blessed Be He, the One Who Spoke and Created the World, is not like this. God is infinite. God has as much time as God wants. God's willingness to be a part of each of our lives takes nothing away from anyone else.

Further, we are all created "Btzelem Elohim", in God's image. Our being in God's image refers "not to the color of our skin but to the content of our character (M.L. King Jr.)." God has created each one of us in a way that makes us by our nature worthy of God's attention. We may sometimes feel unworthy but that simple act of reaching out to God in prayer by definition elevates us.

We all face difficult times. Whether it is health, relationships, or loss we have all asked at one time on another “Why Me?” In the not so distant past, I had rarely prayed for my own personal needs but for whatever reason I have recently asked God for help. This week of study gave me an opportunity to study about spirituality and different ways of reaching God. I have found the message uplifting and thought it spoke directly to me, telling me that prayer had meaning and the Someone listened. Taking a few minutes a day to just meditate or to talk to “God” makes my day less stressful and more meaningful. Something like this can be explained as coincidence. It lacks the clear face to face experience of hearing God that Moses had. Yet I believe that it is in such coincidence that God communicates with us.

As I thought about my struggle to get closer to God and listened intently to each instructor, and studied and socialized with other Executive Directors, I looked at how together we create our own kehilat kodesh, a conscious community, a community that serves a higher purpose. Each of us as Executive Directors often do things to tend the eternal flame - often behind the scenes - by supporting one another and forging caring connections. It is those moments of caring for each other that we reveal God’s presence in the world. A conscious community is a place where people are encouraged to examine the stories that have defined their lives and turn those stories into engines of meaning within the life of the group.

The most important thing I learned from this experience is that it is so important to remember why I am an Executive Director. Why am I working in Jewish Communal work? When the toilets are over-flowing or the network has just crashed, ask yourself what your story is and what it has taught you about the kind of conscious community you’d like to help build. Take a step back, take some time for yourself and it will help us all keep moving, one small step at a time, towards creating a Jewish community we feel proud of, a community we are shaping in the brilliant light of our 5,000-year-old tradition and through the lens of contemporary insights.

This week of study did not only help me to become a better Executive Director with a new insight of how important my spiritual care can be to my congregants, but it also gave me spiritual care that I was in need of. It was a wonderful experience to learn from such learned professionals. I can honestly say that I took something useful away from each session. I also walked away with new friends, not just other executive directors, but friends that I can consult with, commiserate with, and laugh with. Thank you to chair Rachel Gross and co-chair Deb Finkelstein and their committee for putting together an amazing week. Thank you to all of the presenters for leaving me yearning for more. And, finally thank you to all of my new friends who participated with me in this amazing week.